Hypnocracy Now!

TEENAGE LUVKRAFT #1: “BEACH BLANKET BEYOND”

PAGE ONE (four panels)

PANEL ONE:

A big panel, taking up the top third of the page.  Zadak Bourbaki (a bugged-out, crusty old sea-

dog) is in the foreground, on the left side of the frame, staring down the reader like a cross

between Timothy Carey, Syd Barrett, and the Crypt Keeper.  The sprawl of the Innsmouth seaside

would be behind and to the right of him.  Maybe he’s smoking a pipe or a cigarette nub or

clutching a fish with ill intent.  Sunny day.  The ferris wheel.  The beach.  The extent of

Innsmouth.  The raging ocean and the crooked cliffs.

ZADAK:

I SEE YOU, STRANGER.

ZADAK:

LOOMIN’ SO LARGE, OUTSIDE THE ZONES I KNOW.

ZADAK:

…I’LL TELL YOU A TALE IF YOU TARRY AWHILE…

ZADAK:

I’LL TELL YOU A TALE OF INNSMOUTH.

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ZADAK:

FAIR INNSMOUTH, A SEASIDE TOWN WHERE THE FISH WERE ABUNDANT AND THE

WATER WAS WARM.  AMNIOTIC.EVEN.  ALWAYS SOME FUN TO BE HAD IN

INNSMOUTH…

ZADAK:

…IF YOU LIKE THAT SORT O’ THING.

PANEL TWO:

The vivacious glory of kids playing volleyball.  Beach-kids of the early sixties variety.

ZADAK CAPTION:

THIS IS WHERE THE KIDLINGS FROLIC ALL SUMMER LONG.

SURFIN’…SMOOCHIN’…AND BURSTIN’ INTO SONG.

PANEL THREE;

Crazy kids dancing to jungle jive.

ZADAK CAPTION:

THEY’RE LOVIN’ AND LAUGHIN’ AND CARRYIN’ ON, LIKE EVERY DAY IS

TOMORRAH, LIKE YOUTH NEVER SPOILS.

PANEL FOUR:

The majesty of Randy Carter (blonde beach-god) and the dukes of surf, riding the waves.

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ZADAK CAPTION:

SO IT WAS, AS IF IT HAD EVER BEEN SO.

ZADAK CAPTION:

BUT THERE ALWAYS BE CHORTLIN’ DEPTHS BENEATH THESE SUNSPLASHED

SURFACES. THE DARK JUST NEEDS TO BE CALLED UP, SOMETIMES.

ZADAK  CAPTION:

A STRANGER CAME DOWN TO INNSMOUTH FROM ARKHAM ONE SUMMER…

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PAGE TWO (five panels):

PANEL ONE:

Sprawling shot of Howie and Augie on the edge of the beach, facing us.  The grass-patched dunes

are spiked with black fencing and crawling with black crabs.

In the background, Aunt Agatha’s vintage luxury sedan is idling.  Behind the wheel is Arthur

Jermyn, the albino chauffeur, pink-eyed and vaguely simian.

Howie is wearing an Edwardian torso-length bathing suit and a wide-brimmed hat.  Under his

spindly arms, he’s carrying many books.  Perhaps some geometry tools (a protractor, a compass,

etc.).

Augie Derleth, Howie’s only friend, is carrying more books and a parasol to keep the sun from

Howie’s sensitive skin.  Augie’s a scrawny kid, a bit shorter than Howie, wearing swimmng trunks

and galoshes and his Arkham High school blazer.

Perhaps Zadak is visible in the distance, looking on, narrating to no one in particular, with a word

balloon full of mumbles.

ZADAK CAPTION:

…AND THINGS HAVE BEEN GETTING STRANGER EVER SINCE.

TITLES:

Howie P. Luvkraft in BEACH BLANKET BEYOND!

AUGIE:

CHECKERS, HOWIE!  THERE’S A LOT OF KIDS ON THIS BEACH, THERE SURELY ARE.

AUGIE:

WILL WE BE DESPISED LIKE WE WERE IN ARKHAM, HOWIE?

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PANEL TWO:

Closer on Howie and Augie.  Howie is pontificating, staring at the sea and the kids off-panel.

Augie leans towards Howie, giving him more shade and snivelling with great supplication.

HOWIE:

ON THE CONTRARY, MY DEAR AUGIE.

HOWIE:

THINGS WILL BE DIFFERENT IN INNSMOUTH.

HOWIE:

NO ONE HERE KNOWS ABOUT MY EXHIBIT AT THE ARKHAM HIGH SCIENCE FAIR.

PANEL THREE:

Howie’s head is boldly outlined and hovering in the upper left hand corner of the frame.  The

image itself is a strange radio-like device run amuck and a science fair full of children and

teachers vibrating into zones of absolute insanity.

HOWIE:

NO ONE HERE KNOWS THE UNHOLY SOUND THE SPEKTROLA MADE AS I

SWITCHED IT ON.  NONE OF THESE CLEAN TEENS KNOWS THAT ELECTROSTATIC

CHAFING THE AIR HAD, LIKE OUR VERY ATOMS WERE BEING SHAVED ALL AT

ONCE WITH DULL, RUSTY RAZORS.

PANEL FOUR:

Close up on Howie’s steely gaze, looking straight ahead.  In panel four, the right side of his face is

TEENAGE LUVKRAFT #1…script by Jason Squamata…Page 6

staring and rambling.

HOWIE:

I’M DETERMINED TO “FIT IN” HERE, AUGIE.  I AM DETERMINED TO BE “POPULAR”.

HOWIE:

WE ARE YOUNG MEN OF GREAT INTELLECTUAL ACUITY AND EXCELLENT

BREEDING.

HOWIE:

IN INNSMOUTH, WE WILL BE TREATED WITH DIGNITY.

PANEL FIVE:

The left side of Howie’s face is splashed with a careening globule of pus.

F/X:

SPLORCH!

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PAGE THREE (six panels):

PANEL ONE:

Wide shot with a flustered Howie, pus still dribbling from his cheek, clearly agitated.  Augie

holding him back.  They’re in the foreground on the right.  Howie is glaring at the source of the

pus, bronzed beach god randy carter, lying on his stomach on a checkerboard beach blanket.

Asanette, his beach beauty girlfriend, is wearing rubber gloves and holding tweezers or

instruments that indicate that she’s been popping the zits on Randy’s back.  She’s wearing a bikini.

She’s giggling.

ASANETTE:

giggle!

RANDY:

SORRY ABOUT THE PUS, LITTLE WEIRDO.  MY GIRL’S JUST KEEPIN’ ME SMOOTH.

RANDY:

TELL YA WHAT.  WIPE IT OFF WITH A HANKY AND I’LL AUTOGRAPH IT FOR YA.

AUGIE:

PLEASE CALM DOWN, HOWIE.  WE’RE TRYING TO FIT IN, REMEMBER?

PANEL TWO:

One of three, with Howie on the right, staring down and then up at Randy, shaking his fist,

pointing maybe, apoplectic with wounded dignity.  Randy is half lying down, propped on an

elbow, gazing with obvious amusement at the strange little grey fellow.  Ocean visible in the

background.  Wheeling sea-birds.

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HOWIE:

AND JUST WHO THE DEVIL ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE, WITH YOUR MUSCLES AND

YOUR PUS AND YOUR FEMALE?

PANEL THREE:

Randy slowly rising.  Howie’s righteous fury faltering a bit.  The expanse of Randy’s Appolonian

physique is becoming more apparent.

RANDY:

I’M RANDY CARTER, THE MOST COSMICALLY ATTUNED SURFER EVER TO RIDE

THE RAVENOUS WHIRLPOOLS OF INNSMOUTH.  THE COOL KIDS CALL ME THE BIG

SHUGGOTH.

PANEL FOUR:

randy is big like gods are big.  howie is stymied, looking up at what could be his big bland doom.

if augie is visible, he’s trembling.  but he’s probably trembling off-panel, keeping a safe distance.

RANDY:

YOU CAN CALL ME RANDY.

RANDY:

AND JUST WHO THE KAHUNA ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?

HOWIE (in a slightly smaller than usual font):

I…I’M HOWARD P. LUVKRAFT.  I…I’VE PUBLISHED SEVERAL ARTICLES IN THE

ARKHAM JUNIOR JOURNAL OF NEUROTIC ASTRONOMY.  I…

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PANEL FIVE:

Howie’s-eye view of majestic Randy, sun blazing just behind his head, his sandy kingdom in the

background.  A distant surfer (in a distant font) calls out to Randy.

SURFER:

SHUGGOTH!  DUDE!  THE SEA IS OUR MOTHER, DUDE!

RANDY:

JUST A SECK, DUDE!

RANDY:

LOOK.  I VETO YOUR FREAK-OUT, TIKI-FACE.  THERE’S A BIG SURFING CEREMONY

ON SATURDAY NIGHT AND I GOTTA STAY TONED.

PANEL SIX:

On the right, Howie in the foreground, his books dropped, clenching his fists, fuming.  Augie

remains terrified, this time of what’s to come.  In the background, Randy and Asanette are

majestically running towards the surf, to join their fellow demigods.  Randy yells at Howie over

his shoulder.

RANDY:

CHECK MY HOROSCOPE, ASTRONOMO!  ON SATURDAY NIGHT THE RANDY-

CENTRIC UNIVERSE THEORY BECOMES A SCIENTIFIC FACT OF LIFE!

HOWIE:

SURFING…FEH!

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HOWIE:

AUGIE…ALL THESE BOOKS ARE USELESS!  WE’RE GOING TO THE LIBRARY!

AUGIE:

OH, DEAR.

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PAGE FOUR (six panels):

PANEL ONE:

A dynamic diagonal angle on the library, electric with anxiety and impending terror, conveying

the notion that  Howie Luvkraft going to the library is no good for anybody.  Zadak Bourbaki is

visible, standing in the shrubberies outside the library. talking to the reader.

A sign reads “INNSMOUTH PUBLICK LIBRARY”

ZADAK:

AND SO TO THE LIBRARY THEY WENT…

PANEL TWO:

Inside the library.  Howie in the foreground, poring over stacks of dusty old books, his spidery

fingers pressed against his throbbing cranium.  Augie is in the background, lugging stacks of

massive books over to Howie’s table.  In this frame or in some other frame on the page, there

might be a window through which Zadak is visible outside the library, mumbling in the

shrubberies.

ZADAK CAPTION:

…IN SEARCH OF TOMES THAT MIGHT PROVIDE INSTRUCTION IN THE ARTS AND

SCIENCES OF BEACH-TEEN CULTURE.

ZADAK CAPTION:

HOWIE WAS DETERMINED TO BEAT THIS ‘BIG SHUGGOTH’ AT HIS OWN GAMES.

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PANEL THREE:

A collage of various book titles and covers, with intermittent zoom-ins on “Heckronomicon”

bibliographical entries in different fonts.

The books:

-69 WAYS TO LOVE A LOBSTER (a cookbook)

-BEACH BLANKET BUTOH: DANCES OF THE DAMNED:

do “the trilobite”, do “the flatland”, do “the shubby-shubby-niggurath”

-WALLY GILMAN’S COMPENDIUM

OF POSSIBLE AND IMPOSSIBLE VOLLEYBALL TRAJECTORIES

-THE BLIND IDIOT’S GUIDE TO SURFING RAVENOUS WHIRLPOOLS

-SONGS THE OYSTERS TAUGHT ME

ZADAK CAPTION:

AFTER HOURS OF REFERENCIN’ AND CROSS-REFERENCIN’, HE FOUND THAT THE

SAME STRANGE BOOK WAS REFERRED TO IN EVERY INDEX.

PANEL FOUR:

Howie and Augie with their backs to us, advancing through a succession of thresholds, which

connect different rooms of the library, leading to the rare books room.  mythic towering

thresholds that loom over these two strange children.

ZADAK CAPTION:

THE HECKRONOMICON OF THE MAD BEACHNIK ABDUL AL-ATLAS.

ZADAK CAPTION:

AVAILABLE IN THE RARE BOOKS ROOM…

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PANEL FIVE:

The boys still have their backs to us.   They’re standing at the librarian’s desk.  The librarian is

older than dirt, shrivelled and pruned but possessed of a reptilian vitality.  He’s answering their

questions with a hungry look.

On the wall behind him, there might be a goofy office wildlife motivational poster, like an

octopus clutching at the branches of a tree, red ants teeming all over its tentacles, the moonlight

screaming. “Hang in There!” it says.

LIBRARIAN:

THE HECKRONOMICON?  FUNNY YOU SHOULD ASK FOR THAT ACCURSED BOOK

OF POPPYCOCK, MY LITTLE GIBBONS.

LIBRARIAN:

IT WAS CHECKED OUT YESTERDAY.

HOWIE:

TO WHOM WAS IT CHECKED OUT, SIR?

PANEL FIVE:

A creepy close-up of the Librarian.  The deep grooves of his ageing speak of strange hungers and

secret evils.

LIBRARIAN:

NOW, I WOULDN’T BE MUCH OF A LIBRARIAN IF I JUST OFF AND TOLD YA THAT,

WOULD I?  TRUTH IS, I CAN’T RECALL…

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LIBRARIAN:

…MAYBE IF YOU HELPED ME SEARCH THROUGH THE FILES OUT BACK…

PANEL SIX:

Howie, on the left, looking up at the librarian like a sickly puppy-dog, gesturing towards augie

like he’s auctioning off a slave.  Augie on the right, looking very anxious, eyes sideways on

Howie.

HOWIE:

I’M AFRAID IM NO GOOD AT SEARCHING, SIR.  I’M HALF BLIND FROM A CASE OF

CONGENITAL SYPHILIS.  DADDY WAS A TRAVELLING SALESMAN, YOU SEE.

HOWIE:

AUGIE, ON THE OTHER HAND, IS PURE AS THE DRIVEN SNOW AND EAGER TO

HAVE NEW AND UNUSUAL EXPERIENCES.

LIBRARIAN (OFF-PANEL):

DEAL!

AUGIE (small font):

GULP!

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PAGE FIVE (seven panels):

PANEL ONE:

A wide shot of the looming cliffs of Innsmouth.

On the far right, in the foreground, Zadak Bourbaki is peeking out from behind some shrubberies.

Behind him, crooked steps lead up to a strange high house in the mist.

On the far left, Arthur Jermyn (Howie’s chauffeur) is eating a banana, leaning against Aunt

Agatha’s sedan.

ZADAK:

AFTER AUGIE HAD DONE HIS DUTY, OR HAD HIS DUTY DONE TO HIM, THESE BAD

LADS WERE DIRECTED TO THE HOME OF KADATHERINE MARSH, SHE WHO WAS

THEN THE LAWFUL POSSESSOR OF THE ACCURSED HECKRONOMICON…

F/X (from house):

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

PANEL TWO:

A fisheye view through the peephole of the house of Howie and Augie at the front door, having

just knocked.  Howie is composing himself, staring straight ahead.  Augie stares at howie with a

look of exasperated agony.  The car and Jermyn might be visible down the steps, in the

background.

AUGIE:

HOWIE, THIS PLACE GIVES ME THE CREEPS AND I’M SORE ALL OVER.  WHY IS THIS

BOOK SO IMPORTANT?

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HOWIE:

SILENCE, AUGIE.  SOMEONE’S COMING.

F/X (into next panel):

creeeeeeeak.

PANEL THREE:

KADATHERINE MARSH answering the door, a ravishing young woman with a certain oceanic

quality to her glamour and hair that moves as if she’s underwater.  There’s something funny and

primordial about her eyes.  Augie and Howie are on either side, staring at her with their backs to

us, or we’re looking over their shoulders.

KADATHERINE (in a fishy font and/or bubble):

YOU MUST BE HOWARD AND AUGUSTUS.

HOWIE:

…yes.  YES, WE ARE.  ARE YOU KADATHERINE MARSH?

PANEL FOUR:

a view from above of kadatherine’s sitting room.  an antique quality to everything.  lush.  old

money.  not many modern conveniences.  many objects culled from seafaring missions to exotic

places undertaken by her family.  she’s standing on an oriental rug that seems to employ cthuloid

motifs.  augie is seated towards the left, sniffing his tea suspiciously.  howie is seated towards the

right, gazing upon her with fascination, holding his tecup with pinky extended, like a gentleman.

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KADATHERINE:

YES, I CHECKED OUT THAT STRANGE BOOK…I WAS HOPING IT WOULD REMIND ME

OF…BETTER TIMES.

KADATHERINE:

BUT THE BOOK TOLD ME INSTEAD OF TIMES TO COME.  IT TOLD ME YOU WERE

COMING, A GAWKY GREY STRANGER AND HIS SYCOPHANT.  THE BOOK SAID YOU

WOULD BRING BACK THE DARK.

KADATHERINE:

YOU MUSTN’T THINK ILL OF INNSMOUTH, HOWARD.  IT WASN’T ALWAYS LIKE

THIS.  BEFORE THE BLIGHT OF “SUMMER FUN”, THE STARS WOULD SHRIEK AND

THE SHADOWS WOULD FEED AND THE SEA WOULD BLEED ALL YEAR ROUND.

PANEL FIVE:

A close-up of Howie, looking wistful and dreamy.

HOWIE:

THAT SOUNDS…LOVELY.

PANEL SIX:

A close-up of Kadatherine, impressed like he passed a test, liking him.

KADATHERINE:

Hm.  IT MUST BE TRUE, THEN.  I WILL LEND YOU THIS HECKRONOMICON.

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PANEL SEVEN:

The tome itself, crackling with eldritch energies, passed from her delicate hands to his clammy

hands.

KADATHERINE:

READ IT CAREFULLY, HOWARD PHILLIPS LUVKRAFT.

KADATHERINE:

I WILL FETCH IT WHEN IT’S FINISHED.

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PAGE SIX (six panels):

PANEL ONE:

A shot through the gnarled branches outside Howie’s bedroom window.  Through the window, we

can see Howie hunched over the Heckronomicon, wrapt in obsessive study of the accursed text.

the scene is splashed with moonlight.  In the upper left hand corner, a caption again featuring the

disembodied head of Zadak Bourbaki.

ZADAK:  SO BACK TO HIS AUNTIE AGATHA’S HOUSE WENT THE LITTLE HERETIC,

TO PORE OVER THE THROBBING TOME OF BEACH MAGICK.

ZADAK:

INTO THE WEE HOURS DID HE HUNCH AND SQUINT AND MURMUR AND

MEMORIZE THESE RAVINGS OF THE SANDY AND THE DAMNED.

PANEL TWO:

A medium shot facing Howie, seated at the antiquey desk in the guest room, studying the

Heckronomicon.  There’s a little pot of tea on the desk and a dainty teacup.

ZADAK CAPTION:

BY MIDNIGHT HE HAD READ AND RE-READ ALL THE “HOT PARTS”.

PANEL THREE:

Closer on Howie, the circles more pronounced under his eyes.  His eyes are somewhat bloodhsot

and rolling every so slightly backwards into his skull. Maybe a little drool at the corner of his

mouth.  Still reading the book, which might be ever so slightly steaming.

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Or maybe he’s holding the teacup a little ways away from his lips and his hand is shaking, the cup

vibrating and splashing tea.

ZADAK CAPTION:

BY THE CRACK OF DAWN THEY WERE READING HIM.

HOWIE (the font is backwards and green):

…mechkvechmistflickoldhungerbubbleupmaidenmashed

moonglowedbadbloodplaygocubesuspiriousweenieuff

wrathftathrulethebeachinbodymindoclamboyshcmeck…

PANEL FOUR:

A wide shot.  Howie, in the foreground, on the left, with his back to us, is staggering towards the

beach like a zombie, his suit slightly dishevelled like he’s been up all night in it, clutching the

Heckronomicon, which steams ominously.  Beyond him, past a grassy little dune, an expanse of

beach stretches before us.  In the distance, the tiny figures of Randy and Asanette.

ZADAK CAPTION:

DAWN BLED INTO NOON AND NOON INTA AFTERNOON, AND YOUNG LUVKRAFT,

STILL SWOONING, DID STAGGER BEACHWARD, WHERE THE SURFING CEREMONY

WAS JUST ON THE BRINK OF ITS BEGINNIN’.

RANDY:

THERE’S SOMETHING ON THE HORIZON, BABY-DOLL…

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PANEL FIVE:

Closer on Randy and Asanette, the god and goddess of all things beachy.  Randy is staring with a

fierce innocence into the middle distance.  He’s in the foreground.  Asanette is slightly behind

him, maybe leaning on his shoulder or waxing him for the party, but reacting to Howie lurching

towards them from dry land.

RANDY:

…IT’S NOT JUST THE CEREMONY.  THERE’S SOMETHING HUGE ABOUT TO HAPPEN.

MAYBE IT’S JUST MY OWN GREATNESS.

RANDY:

I DON’T KNOW.

RANDY:

BUT I CAN FEEL IT IN MY MUSCLES.

ASANETTE:

ME, TOO, BABY.  HEY…ISN’T THAT THE WEIRD KID FROM YESTERDAY?

PANEL SIX:

Randy and asanette in the foreground, on the left, gazing at Howie in his suit, pale and moist

amongst the bathing beauties, giving them the creeps, still clutching the heckronomicon.  He’s

keeping his distance.  He seems to be in the midst of some kind of seizure.

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HOWIE:

schmifkizmiknimmlewikSHOGGOTH!bazvigmiktrualang-

mikI COME TO CLAIM THIS BEACH AS MY OWN!zzzikmichftagn

HOWIE:

haackubakmaa-oolI KNOW THE MELLOW ARTS OF THE BEACH-NIK!joorhaathmahgI

WILL BRING BACK THE DARK!kzzzzkktI CHALLENGE YOU!ftagngtagn

ASANETTE:

HILARIOUS.

RANDY:

TOTALLY.  UMM…WHATEVER, DUDE.

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PAGE SEVEN (five panels):

PANEL ONE:

A widescreen shot of the beach.  In the foreground on the far left: Augie and Howie.  Augie is

dressed in clothes much more in keeping with the local fashions than when last we saw him.  He

looks uncomfortable, maybe a little afraid.  He’s talking to Howie, who’s staring into space (at us,

through us), deep in a trance, removing his little suit,  revealing the Edwardian one-piece bathing

suit from pages two and three.  Either he’s awkwardly holding the book under his arm as he

disrobes, or Augie is holding it for him.  In the background, the sun sinking somewhat lower in

the sky.a bunch of beach kids, leaping into jubilation at Randy’s command.  Randy and Asanette

are on the far right, in the middle distance, in all their majesty, ceremonial host and hostess of all

possible beach parties.

AUGIE:

HOWIE!  I THOUGHT YOU WERE STUDYING!…I MEAN…I WAS HOPING YOU’D MAKE

IT.  …IS YOUR BOOK VIBRATING, HOWIE?

HOWIE:

schigmitznibburaglopeOWNTHISPARTYajajaakularo

AUGIE:

WHATEVER YOU SAY, HOWIE.  UM…WHAT DID YOU SAY?

ASANETTE:

HEY, FELLAS!  LET’S TEACH THIS LITTLE WEIRDO THE MEANING OF “BEACH

PARTY”!

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RANDY:

TRY TO KEEP UP, CLAMMY.

PANEL TWO:

Howie in deep trance, mumbling, eyes rolling back into his head, in his bathing suit, holding the

grimoire open with one hand as if to read from it and delivering a perfect volleyball serve with the

other.  His teammates are ecstatic and dumbfounded in the background.  Maybe Augie agape,

either at his friend’s sudden athleticism or at the possibility of impending popularity.

ZADAK CAPTION:

AND KEEP UP HE DID, ME PROBING INTERLOPER. WITH A HEAD FULL OF FILTHY

INCANTATIONS AND A MOUTH FULL OF BURBLIN’ GIBBERISH, YOUNG LUVKRAFT

PLAYED AND WON VOLLEYED BALL AFTER BALL WITH AN EERIE PRECISION NOT

SEEN ON THIS BEACH SINCE THE FROLICS OF THE MAD BEACHNIK HIMSELF.

PANEL THREE:

Howie dancing around a bonfire, a bit like Jim in the Doors movie, when things are getting sick at

the concerts with shamanic bad mojo, in that the kids are all dancing like Howie is dancing, swept

up in his frenzy.  In one hand, he holds the book open and still seems to be reading from it.  With

his other hand he’s roasting a weenie.

ZADAK CAPTION:

BUT A BROODING BOY DOES NOT BEWITCH THE BEACH BY BALLS ALONE.

THERE’S THE SMALL MATTER OF A A WEENIE AND THE ROASTIN’ OF IT.  IT JUST SO

HAPPENS THAT, WITH THE GUIDANCE OF THE HECKRONOMICON, HOWIE ROASTS

THE FINEST, MOST SUCCULENT WEENIE YA EVER DID SHRED WITH YER INCISORS.

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PANEL FOUR:

A wider shot of the party gone mad, all the kids dancing spasmodically, Howie dancing like a

maniac, still holding the book open.  Dancing with Asanette, in fact, who looks like she’s never

had such fun.  Randy is clenching his fist in the foreground on the far right.

ZADAK CAPTION:

WHILE HIS MIND MELTED INTO ELECTRIC MUSH, THE BOOK TAUGHT HIS BODY

ALL THE LATEST DANCES.  NOT EVEN ASANETTE, QUEEN OF SUNSHINE, COULD

RESIST THE GYRATING TERROR OF YOUNG LUVKRAFT DOIN’ THE SHUBBY-

SHUBBY NIGGURATH.

ZADAK CAPTION:

PERHAPS IT COULD ONLY HAVE HAPPENED THROUGH DIABOLISM, BUT HOWIE

WAS WITHOUT A DOUBT THE HIT OF THE PARTY.   THE BIG SHOGGOTH COULD

ONLY LOOK ON AS YESTERDAY’S SPLENDOR SLIPPED THROUGH HIS FINGERS LIKE

SAND, ALL SILVERY BY THE LIGHT OF THE MOON…

RANDY:  HEY!

PANEL FIVE:

Another wide shot, close on Randy facing us at the center of the frame, watching Howie in

motion, furious.  Over his right shoulder (on our left), there’s Crawfish Tillinghast, one of his

cronies.  On the right, there’s Zadak. Crawfish is offering Zadak a fresh bottle of Draino.  He

clutches for the bottle with shaking hands, like a junkie, but his eternally searching gaze is still

bugging out on contact with the gaze of the reader.

TEENAGE LUVKRAFT #1…script by Jason Squamata…Page 26

RANDY:

DUDE, TELL DIRTY OLD UNCLE EXPOSITION OVER THERE HE CAN HAVE THAT

WHOLE BOTTLE IF HE PUTS A CORK IN IT.

ZADAK:

A SAILOR ON THE SEAS OF FATE DOES GET THIRSTY FOR A CLEANSE, I’LL ADMIT…

RANDY:

SHUT…UP.  THIS IS MY STORY.  EASTER ISLAND PYGMIES AND SCHIZOS ARE

LEECHING ALL MY FACE TIME…AND I…HAVE HAD…

TEENAGE LUVKRAFT #1…script by Jason Squamata…Page 27

PAGE EIGHT (six panels):

PANEL ONE:

The howling bonfire and its antic revelry are broken by Randy Carter, kicking the logs, stomping

through the flames.

RANDY:

ENOUGH!

PANEL TWO:

Randy flexing every muscle of reason, imploring his beach-boys and beach-bunnies to come to

their senses, maybe gesturing towards Luvkraft, who’s still in a spastic trance, receiving

downloads from the book he’s clutching.

RANDY:

I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU GUYS!  THIS MISSHAPEN LITTLE DUDE IS THE DEATH OF

THE PARTY!

RANDY:

ANYONE WITH A LIBRARY CARD CAN ROAST A WEENIE!

PANEL THREE:

Close on Randy, veins throbbing, almost losing his tan in a paroxysm of righteous fury.

RANDY:

I HOPE YOUR STUPID MAGIC BOOK KNOWS HOW TO SURF, LUVKRAFT!

TEENAGE LUVKRAFT #1…script by Jason Squamata…Page 28

PANEL FOUR:

As if on cue, apelike albino Arthur Jermyn is handing a surfboard (festooned with arcane

diagrams and creepy sigils) to Howie, who receives it like a puppet would.  Surfboard under one

arm.  heckronomicon under the other.

JERMYN:

OOK!  MASTER HOWEIRD! ME CARVETH SURFBOARD ACCORDING TO

SPECIFICATIONS IN CRAZY BOOK!  GRUNT.  OOK.  OOK.

HOWIE:

THANKAMANKAMOJOMUNGPAPPYBLACKBANANAGOMOBORNTOSURFFTAGNFT

AGN.

PANEL FIVE:

Randy staring moodily, broodingly out at the sea, clutching his board, ready to go in the most

important surfing ceremony of his career.  Asanette is on his left, swooning over him in his big

moment, on the brink of heroism or terrible disaster.

RANDY:

SORRY I FREAKED OUT BACK THERE, ASANETTE.  I JUST WANNA DO WHAT’S BEST

FOR THE BEACH.

ASANETTE:

NO DAMAGE, BABY.  YOU THE BIG SHUGGOTH.  JUST WIN.  WHATEVER HAPPENS,

OUR SPECIAL MUSICAL GUEST STARS “THE KINGS IN YELLOW” WILL SING YOUR

GLORY.

TEENAGE LUVKRAFT #1…script by Jason Squamata…Page 29

PANEL SIX:

A large panel.  At the center, an iconic shot of Howie and Randy standing side by side, boards in

hand, with their backs to us, almost in silhouette, facing the venereal sunset and the turbulent

mysteries of an unforgiving ocean.  The shot is framed by the Kings in Yellow in the foreground,

a rock steady surf combo, playing their instruments, wearing sharp suits, all of a kind, yellow

veils and slim shades.

CAPTION:

“…AND THE BEACH WILL NEVER FORGET YOU.”

BASS GUITARIST:

BIG SHUGGOTH RANDY CARTER,

BORN TO LIVE AND LOVE AND BREED.

PLACE YOUR BETS, HE’S GETTING WET

BUT DOES HE LOVE THE SEA?

…

LOVE IT MORE THAN ASANETTE

ENOUGH TO FALL AND BLEED?

FOR THE SEA IS ALWAYS HUNGRY, SON.

SO MANY FISH TO FEED.

LEAD GUITARIST:

THE CONTENDER HOWIE LUVKRAFT

SUDDEN HIT OF THIS SOIREE

SOME PARTY BOY SOMNAMBULIST

WHO MOVED HERE YESTERDAY.

TEENAGE LUVKRAFT #1…script by Jason Squamata…Page 30

HIS MIND ALIVE WITH ARCANE JIVE

COMPLEXION: CLAMMY GREY.

IF HE SURFS AS WELL AS HE RAISES HELL…

HELL IS HERE TO STAY.